American Literature #6/ Big-Two Hearted River/ Paradise Regained

Paradise Regained

1. Laying foundation

“Life swings back and forth from pain to boredom, like a pendulum.” It seems that extremely few of us have consistently fulfilled happy lives. Most of us are temporarily delighted and brought down right after. Why should we be pained throughout our lifetime? I dare claim to say that this phenomenon all comes from “lack of a”. “a” is a variable, a vessel that can contain possibly anything desirable. The deadly property of this variable is that it does not exist, and that it is constantly changing. Anything and everything can come in and out into the place of the variable. This empty signifier always survives, pushing the signified further, further, and even further. It is otherwise named as objet petit a.

Then why do we experience this inanity? In order for something to be deprived of another, there must be a concept of an ideal whole, a perfect integrity that we imagine. Such ideal form is what makes us stubbornly and thirstily gaze at the status quo. However, this observation seems to go directly against the previous premise that we have never been fully content throughout our lifetime. How can we imagine a perfect state when we haven’t seen any? There at should be at least a past reminisce.

However, the fact that we depend on language solves this contradiction. When we think that we lack of something, it is never a specific object. Rather, it is more of a concept, and most precisely, a word or the name of the object. Naming simplifies the signified being and pushes it to be restricted into the sphere of meaning. The object is neither identical with what we think as, nor is it stagnated as we think. In conclusion, the concept of object never exists in real life. This is precisely why the variable “a” can constantly change its form. It was never there in the first place. The problem lies in the fact that we think with language, we crave for a concept based on the traces of the object’s characteristics, not the object itself. We are never able to be fulfilled, for what we want does not exist. Thus, language makes us lose something that we haven’t had in the first place. I would identify this as the origin of our everyday life’s pain.

There can be a rebuttal on how absence draws upon more deference on human nature. Then let us consider a simple question: when do you think more about your girlfriend, when she’s with you or when she’s not? Rousseau seems to agree in answering as “when she is not”. In Confessions, he describes his craving towards Madame de Warens when he is alone in her bed. He looks at her belongings, which are merely traces of her existences. The traces promise her existence, but of course, she does not appear in middle of her belongings.  Nevertheless, this is nothing more than masturbation. Rousseau himself regrets this experience, and calls this corruption by outside influences.

This regretful experience is an apt metaphor regarding the function of language upon us mentioned beforehand. Although we know that being fetish on a girl’s belonging won’t bring our crushes’ affection, we do it anyway. When people cannot get a perfect satisfaction of what they want, they supplement it. And we usually know that is not a healthy way to fulfill ourselves. This is same with language. Many of us know that words we use are not precise representations of what we mean (they are representations, even at its best), but still use them for some satisfaction. My analysis starts from the premise that usage of language is also corruption by outside influences upon us.

2. Literary analysis

Until now, the common analysis of Ernest Hemingway’s “Big Two-hearted Rivers” was that it was about a soldier’s return and rehabilitation from the World War I. The nature provides relief and an escapade from the catastrophic outcomes of human disaster.

However, in this essay, I would like to interpret this story in a broader perspective than the standard analysis. However, it will not be an overly deviant one, for the new interpretation would be a broadening from the status quo perspective of viewing the nature as a shelter against the catastrophic human world, but as a world without others, therefore not with language.

The story at its earliest part begins with several questionable sentences. Among them is: “There was no town, nothing but the rails and the burnt over country.” Instead of describing what is existent in the story, it begins with a sudden reminder of absence. Not a simple object, but a whole town burnt down. Nevertheless, the train goes on even when “[t]here was no town, nothing but the rails and the burnt over country.” No one knows where the train was headed, but that it was just running on the tracks. A point that we should focus our interest on is that the protagonist gets off this train.

In the desert of existence, the protagonist is only able to find traces of the town. But instead of trying to rebuilding it, he sets off towards the nature. Even if he tried to do such, he would only be able to make a supplement of his hometown, never its original, unsatisfying replica of what he would have reminisced over. When he “had left everything behind,” he had abandoned will to reconstruct. He enters into “islands of dark pine trees”, where the “burned country stopped off.” This indicates that he is going into an uncivilized place in contrast with the country.

It is crucial to identify what the protagonist abandoned when “he had left everything behind,” for this shows what he wanted to turn away from. Among “everything”, only two are mentioned by the protagonist: “the need for thinking” and “the need to write”. Why would it be necessary for the protagonist to leave “the need to write” behind? What does that have to do with burnt town or the devastated country?

As mentioned, the burnt town is a trace of a hometown, but it is also the tomb of hometown at the same time. It functions as a reminder of how the reconstructed town will always be different from what was there before. In a Nietzschean expression, it is just like the church, as it celebrates the destruction of an ideal and at the same time prevents it from being reborn. This further reminds the traits of written language, hence Hemingway’s expression: “the need to write”. Language is also a trace of a concept and at the same time prevents it from being in an integral, complete form.

So, our protagonist has left the burnt town, from language, and therefore from the objet petit a. It is important that we remember that the endless delay of satisfaction originates from the absence of existence that language creates. He has departed from his former dwelling, but has returned to the nostalgic primitive state where there is no society or language.

There is an extremely strong allusion that we sense from this return. We have been ridden out of an ideal world where there is no dissatisfaction, and strives to go back, thus paradise lost and regained. The protagonist’s journey more resembles that of paradise regained, in regard the fact that he left the burnt town.

Along with the linguistic allusion, this resemblance of Paradise Regained explains the significant silence throughout the short story. The protagonist speaks three times throughout the story: “Go on Hopper,” “I’ve got a right to eat this kind of stuff if I’m willing to carry it,” “Christ, Jesus Christ,” Among these monologues, the first one does not have any further description of emotion, while the second one “sounded strange”, and made him “not speak again”. The third one makes the protagonist say happily, unlike the previous two.

The protagonist had abandoned language, and that would be the reason why the second monologue “I’ve got a right to eat this kind of stuff if I’m willing to carry it,” “sounds strange”. There is no societal fight over the ownership of the food. Not only that, the uncomfortable presence of language is revealed. However, it is intriguing that the monologue of “Christ, Jesus Christ,” is said “happily”. If there is an allusion to Paradise Regained, and that the paradise is a place where there is no futile desire from the existence of language, this can be easily explained.

Until now, we were able to recognize the metaphor that the pine plain was referring to. It would be a paradise where there is no language, therefore no room for any dissatisfaction. In order to make the analysis more complete, there must be a proof that there actually is no dissatisfaction.

Nick missed a big trout. This is the first time when he meets a failure within the pine plain. Surprisingly, he does not go wild with this trout; he is satisfied with “one good trout”. He insists that he would be able to pick “the very biggest ones” on the Black River. However, he states that doing such would make him wallow against a very strong current. He does not want to be in danger, and he feels that one trout is good enough. This is the proof that the protagonist has regained his paradise. In the paradise where there is no objet petit a, things don’t always go all. No one would be able to catch 50 big trout at a time. But nevertheless, a man might be just as content as catching much. There is satisfaction with what happens.

A further proof for this is the mention of the “Black River”. In the dangerous Black River, there are big trout. Also, it is a place where “the telegram” came to the protagonist’s friend Nick. Nick goes “away when the telegram came.” Nick is never to be seen again. The fact that the Black River is a dangerous place, and that “the telegram” is a written language, it is a further support that the regained Paradise is a place with no language and no pain. 


Comments
Rhee Jiyoon: I always love your ideas! I remember you saying that voting for a person you don't like to be elected would raise voting rates. Your ideas are new, but I like them more because I know it comes from your ceaseless thinkings.  However, I don't get how "written language" and "spoken language" are different. I think you will need more explanation to make your thesis stronger.

American Literature #5/ A Dark-Brown Dog / Being Humane

Being Humanistic

             The word humane has an extremely positive denotative and connotative meaning to it. In Merriam-Webster dictionary, it defines the word humane as having compassion, sympathy, or consideration for humans or animals. As an example sentence, it states: “It’s not humane to treat animals that way.” If it is accurate to put the word “humane” as being human-like, then most of people using the word “humane” would have to think that it is an inherent characteristic of human beings to have “compassion, sympathy and consideration towards humans or animals.” The short story “A Dark-Brown Dog” by Stephen Crane rebuts this common belief by accusing the human atrocity done towards nature, and how there is no clear difference in humanity and bestiality

             One way of identifying domesticated or animals is looking for bells, leashes, collars and accessories. These materials are cultural symbols that enable people to differentiate animals that are civilized and animals that are not. This is the reason why the fact that the dog had “a short rope……dragging from his neck” becomes important. It indicates that the dog is already domesticated. Even though there is no owner who leashes the dog, from the fact that dog does not show active rejection towards his leash it can be deduced that the dog is domesticated to its heart.

             The taming makes the dog weak and submissive. The rope itself enacts as an obstacle for the dog acting freely: “Occasionally he trod upon the end of it and stumbled.” The dog “trips upon it and fall forward”. The rope is what makes the dog get dragged inside the house eventually as well. Not only that, the dog does not resist to oppression that he receives unjustly when the father hits him with various materials. The unusual slave stance that the dog takes can be seen from the factor that the dog was domesticated before taken into the family.

             The materials that the father uses to violently treat the dogs can be thought as cultural symbols as well. The dog is hit with “very large saucepan” and “coffee -pot”. It is ironical that such savagery is done with highly developed gadgets of modern civilization. No matter what the development might be, its usage is decided by the human, which in this case was savagery.

             The child uses “a small stick” that he finds when beating the dog. The beatings by the child are not threatening to the dog. He just endures it, unlike the sever ones by the father. The child is less exposed to the human civilizations, so even though he may show “humane” characteristics of violence, the severity is clearly low. It is symbolized through the level of the used tools: “a small stick”. A stick is not made by high-technology. Not only that, the child has sympathy to protect the dog, unlike the father.

             Stephen Crane gives a euphemistic sting towards the arrogance that many have about themselves. No matter how advanced our inventions might be, we use it for beating animals. If humans are not humane, what should we do? Should we “burst into a long, dirgelike cry?”

Comments
Jung Yoonjo: So sad I didn't get to read your main points. But I think your essay is often to a great start. Good luck.
Han Jonghyun: Awesome introduction! I am very curious on how this reflection would lead onto! Please post the finished version on your blog so that I can read it!
Seungwon: This is a completely different approach to the story than what most of us did. Analysis of the dog's perspective! I love the idea. Please go on, I am curious how this would end up with.
Sol Kim: Very interesting approach. I think your experiment  of stick to the family intended a negative connotation. Not negative maybe, but something related to instinct. Nice introduction, and I expect more from your blog. I'm interested in all the other papers that you wrote. 
Soyeon Min: I think your essay needs more development. You must have ran out of time and so dies anyone. While it is conventional wisdom that quality is over quantity, it is impossible to produce any quality with such small quantity. I hope you develop further.

American Literature #4/ To Build a Fire / A Face Drawn in Sand

A Face Drawn in Sand

             What makes men so significant? Or are they so special in the first place? For people who think men are, what differentiates men and beast would be consciousness and reason. Unlike animals, men have the power to determine what they would do, instead of being swayed by environments. By deciding which action they will take, they shape themselves, determining who they are through divine free will.

             In order to prove this claim, there should be a clear distinction between environment and a subjective individual. Environment may or may not influence an individual’s action, but it should be done to an ignorable or limited extent. If there is a substantial amount of intervention from the environment, it is hard to say that there is a clear distinction between what is inside or outside an individual. The contention bulges out when one realizes that he is nor free man or self-determining. If the environment determines human behavior, how can there be free will or a subjective individual? Philosopher Michele Foucault thereby declares that the concept of Men shall be erased “like a face drawn in sand at the edge of the sea”.

             Jack London seems to depict the same theme in the short story “To Build a Fire”. From the beginning, the protagonist is described as a confident and arrogant man. He does not “meditate upon his frailty as a creature of temperature.” Instead of fearing the nature, he puts his position above his actual status in nature. For himself, he may be a keen traveler who overcame natural hardships; nonetheless he is nothing more than a vulnerable animal. The protagonist executes his macho traits by criticizing the wise old-timer as “rather womanish”. This statement goes in accordance with the man’s forceful approach towards nature. Instead of embracing or subduing, the man goes against it and faces utter destruction. The end of his life shows the weakness of human in the face of nature.

             However, the vulnerability only functions as groundwork for an underlying theme. In course of dying, the man makes miserable attempts for survival. He is busy trying to adapt to the mightiness of nature. There is no intelligent man who brings light and heat to the uncivilized nature in this story. Desperate for warmth, the man tries to ignite fire by pulling twigs from a tree. This gives the tree “imperceptible agitation”, and makes it to pour snow over the feeble fire that man had put all his hope on. The effort he had made to ignite the fire was intense; the act of poking mosses and gathering twigs were rather miserable. Nowhere in his frantic attempts is human dignity. He strives for survival, not by reason and sanctity.

             The traditional story for man versus nature is how man overcomes nature using reason. However, “To Build a Fire” pictures a man whose actions are confined to only resist against the environmental threats raised by nature. Not a single action in the story was done without a relationship to nature’s power.  This story seems to raise a point that men are only animals named humans, nothing more nothing less. What more can be done to a face drawn in sand?


Comment


Ko Haeuk: I see that this time you had considerably less time to work on the paper, which left us some space to write comments. I think you were trying to mention that Londo was putting arrogant views before the 18th century into the man. I agree. But I don't see where you are going with the human being swayed by the environment I think men won't be swayed if he is so full of himself., I liked the part with subjectivity. 


Hyunseok Lee: It was great to see some quotes and literal evidences to support your claim. Also I liked you brought the topic  which wasn't discussed deeply in class. Even though I strongly agree to the point that described mankind as an arrogant creature, I'm not sure on the claim that nature and men are in hostile relationship. In my opinion, existence between nature and men cannot be described as hostile. They exist just as itself, there is a cold weather and there is men. But they are not meant to be in a different relationship. I understand your time limits, but I want you to think more that it is possible to say that human and nature can be not hostile.

English Writing 11-1/ National Image/ Pursuing Freedom from Market Imagery

Pursuing Freedom from Market Imagery

             All advertisements and brand images originate from misconceptions. Brand images are especially considered as a more intentional illusion, for there is a clear purpose that lies behind the protruded imagery. Promotions are done in strategic, selective level, without the notice of normal citizens (Williamson). Because advertisements and promotion of national image at a governmental level has an inherent tendency of selectively omits the hidden and exaggerates the shown, the receiver of these images tend to be more passive then the days when promotion was done in a unclassified, slow way.

             However, such phenomenon has been accelerating ever since the creation of mass media. People no longer consume materials; they purchase and utilize signs created by the distortions of reality (Baudriallard). A product’s function is less important than what it had been in the past. More important is the congregated emotions and social atmosphere around the product. For example, if one brand is more popular than the other, the brand is chosen solely for that reason. Consumers nowadays cannot differentiate the taste between McCafe and Starbucks, but many still prefer Starbucks if affordable. This is the reason why companies invest innumerable dollars of money on advertisement and promotion. If it had been only companies, this phenomenon would have limited effects, but because governments started to utilize its national image to sell products, the integrity of this condition has increased.

             Before exploring the reasons of what influence this phenomenon has inflicted, it is crucial to understand the mechanism of this set of incidents. In order to do so, deconstruction of an initial case would be helpful. For such purposes, Korean reaction toward Italian food pasta would be most apt for analysis. Interesting aspect of Koreans is that they eat pasta in special occasions such as dating or anniversaries. This supports Baudriallard’s claim, for it is not the taste that drives Korean to give ritualistic meaning towards pasta, it is the cultural content congregated with the food. The denotative elements such as wheat or tomato are not manipulated by Italian government or commercial conglomerates, but the connotative components such as luxury or healthiness certainly are. At least for a number of Koreans, pasta is a luxurious cuisine.

             The factual matter of this imagery is not important. Whether there is a historical record that directly refutes this illusion is irrelevant to the construction of the distortion in reality. Because signs create images, they are irresponsible for factual and logical proving. It is an intuitive process where cultural symbols have meaning instead of factual proving. When soap dramas send out scenes of luxurious pasta restaurants or when Italian government spend money on promoting their cuisine, imagery becomes formidable by such refutations. It indirectly goes through the signification process without literally stating the luxuriousness of the food. By doing so, cultural mirages gain momentum and appear to consumers as a real being. This process is called privation of history, for it erases the history off a relevant sign, and fills the sign with profitable meanings (Barthes).

             Such fraud can only be done because consumers are unaware of the actual information. They never went to factory sites where tomatoes are canned by machines instead of beautiful Italian ladies hand-picking ripe red tomatoes under the sunshine. There no longer exists the real pasta for the culturally deceived. A new profitable invention waits to be eaten. From the power to arrange signs and symbols, the state or the companies gain power to make profit by distorting the reality. The profit is evenly distributed from the government with tax and companies with cash.

             National brand image is no different from the myth derived from Italian pasta. Only difference between the two is that it is a much bigger discourse that contains smaller products such as pasta, benefiting the state with the profit driven out of it. Brand image explicitly shows off its purpose of commercialization. The purpose of such illusion is not morality, people’s benefits or knowledge; it is only hard cash. From this, people are objectified, treated more of a wallet that pays for this well-assembled sign, not material. Beautiful colors and grandiose rhetoric explaining the significance of culture in advertisements can be thought as servants of consumerism that deceives individuals.     

             The only way to stop this tragedy is to fight back the power to construct meaning and signs from the state. Instead of distorted depiction of fake reality, individuals should be more skeptical of governmental efforts to promote national image. People should form civic spheres to voluntarily share information to protect each other from the power of capital and state. Individuals who are aware of the Chimeric breeding of state and company should never sway towards passive obedience towards cultural hegemony. They should get a clear grip of what is happening, and reclassify the signs and the context around themselves.

References

Books

Barthes, Roland. Mythologies. Seoul: Hyundae Mihak, 1995

Baudriallard, La Societe de Consummation ses Mythes ses Structures. Seoul: Munye Chulpan, 1991

Online

Williamson, Lucy. “Selling South Korea: No ‘sparkling’ brand image”. BBC. 31.01.2012. Web. 05.03.2012

English Writing 11-1/My Own Fairy tale/ the Queen_explanation

Topic Selection

When reading the story of Snow White, I interpreted the story as a conflict between two different types of women fighting against each other to gain power. The Queen is a rebellious woman who seeks for her own happiness, and actively strives for her benefits. She deceives the King, who is normally thought as the most powerful. She resembles Lilith, who is mentioned as Adam’s first wife and co-creation. Lilith refused to have children or be subservient to God, which led to her excursion from the Garden of Eden.

In contrast with Lilith, Eve was from Adam’s ribs and subservient. This is consistent with Snow White in the fairy tale. Snow White is creation of the King without the help of the Queen, while she possesses familial powers such as doing the dishes or making food for her family as shown in the dwarves’ house. At the end of the day, obedient Snow White is who wins over the Queen, implying that the fairy tale world is more in preference with obedient women.

The Queen is initially jealous of the gaze and interest from the King that Snow White receives, but as time goes on, she decides to kill Snow White and castrate King’s power. This is extremely important; for it is an indication that although the Queen is under the influence of the King’s power, she soon fights back in her own way. Such shift can be observed when the Queen insists the heart of Snow White to be taken to her jewelry box and prepares to cook Snow White’s heart. This is what resembles Atreus and Thyestes, when the unfaithful is forced to eat a dish of his own child that symbolizes his present and future existence of men, which is their child. This can be thought as an active aggression done by the Queen, which fails in the story structure of the original Snow White. I decided to make it happen, and let the King’s power be castrated by the Queen.

There is a last feature in this story that needs deeper consideration. It is the King. The King is existent throughout the whole story. The influence he projects is massive; the King and the Prince executes the punishment and the reward, but they never are viewed clearly by the readers. King is mentioned, but he resides by the opaque side of the story. If we concede that vision is power, this kind of existence is an indication that the King is not deceived, is not viewed and is not lost. The King is not castrated throughout the story, which is something that I will change in my version of the Snow White.

Illustrations of My Feministic Theme

I will put the Queen in the object (lowercase) of every sentence before she succeeds in making the King eat Snow White’s heart. The King will always be in subject (Capitalized) until he eats, but after eating, he will be exposed in the story as an object, contrary to the Queen. 

English Writing 11-1/My Own Fairy tale/ the Queen

the Queen

             Once upon a time, there was a magical land far away taken care of the Goddess.

             At the land lived a beautiful woman named Lihilt. As She grew up, She was given beauty beyond compare by the Goddess. On her sixteenth birthday, the Others whispered to her to marry the King next Kingdom. They told her that the King had a golden Palace filled with strong servants, a garden decorated by grand Obelisks and sharp Swords in forceful hands to guard them all. So She decided to go to the Kingdom and marry the King.

             The Palace made her shrink, for it was overly fancy and grand; the Obelisks seem to look down on her; the soldiers gazed her constantly from her arrival. But above all, the foster daughter was what made her frustrated. Eevee was her name, and she would never let the queen meet the King. The King never showed His existence. He always sat in a dark room, shadowed throne. He held a long telescope as the Sceptre, two magic Orbs that can overlook His people. This made the new queen afraid, because she did not know when the King will put His eyes on her.

             One day the King announced by voice that the Princess would have Her sixteenth birthday very soon, so the entire Kingdom ought to celebrate it. He promised to grant one wish for the Princess. The Princess answered:

             My Love, My King, most dearest in thine Kingdom,

             Bottomless Glances made me shed so many tears

             Of joy, now as Woman, I serve thee with meat and rum

             Dine thine deer’s blood and meat of cow most fierce

             The King granted the Princess the opportunity to prepare for the birthday feast. But the Princess again asked the King to prepare the feast only with the new queen, but no one else. Again, with voice, the King gave the permission.

             On the day of the Princess’ birthday feast, many guests came. The dishes were cleanly polished, apples were ripe, and the tablecloth was spotlessly white. The Princess was in front of a big, black pot full of boiling water, when the new queen just stepped into the wide, quiet royal kitchen. There were no other people in the kitchen except for the two. The Princess chanted to the queen:

             Like as the Sun rises a day only to fall fleeing,

             Just if the waves kiss the shore only to be apart,

             “The eye never has enough of seeing”

             Still the Gaze is mine; A dish of heart, a fine work of art.

The Queen realized what the King would eat as the birthday feast dish, and acknowledged that the Princess would not let her go until she regained her position as the King’s sole Woman. The King must have known this by the magic Orbs and the Telescope, but He let this happen. So She replied to the Princess’ chant:

             Despair had piled with the dust on the window pane;

             Life as a Grail is meaningless, and “a fool is consumed by his own lips”

             For as a Mother of Grail, Joy is a blessing: Lord’s blood and grain

             It is taken, not given, created, not extorted: The Absoluteness.

As soon as the Queen’s chant ended, the princess grasped the Knife and tried to pierce it through the Queen’s Womb. The Queen clutched the princess’ wrist and struggled together. The princess was not used to using the Knife, but she managed to scratch the Queen’s Hand. The cut made the Queen spill some blood from her body. Nonetheless, the Queen pushed the princess into the boiling pot, which cooked the princess’ flesh. The Queen soon stirred the pot and made a magnificent dish out of the princess’ heart.

             She walked out of the kitchen with the dish in her hand, and arrived at the party place. The King was visible for the first time. He was out in the bright sunshine, gazed upon by numerous spectators enjoying the birthday feast with laughter. The Queen went directly to the King and laid the dish in front of him. The Queen chanted to the King:

             “Who can tell him what is to come?”

`            Hear, My King, the moaning voice from this splendid dish.

             After first bite, I will summon Eve to bring more rum

             Be My Thyestes, and she will be in your bosoms, as you wish

And the King responded:

             “What more can the King’s successor do?”

             What goes around, comes around to You

             One must know: “the King is not with the Body”

             The clothes you are about to wear is gaudy

The Queen hastened the King to eat by speaking again:

             A rebel, must she use the weapons at one’s disposal

             Compare winning Woman with wedding proposal

             Eat yourself, your existence; of today and tomorrow

             The Crown is to possess, it is never a thing to borrow

The heart was chewed by the king.

The Queen stood to watch him finish his meal. Sigh came out from the king’s mouth. The Queen gazed upon the palace, the obelisks, and the swords of men. The Telescope was broken, Orbs were shattered. All was done for, all was meaningless now. The Queen beamed at Her people, and retreated into the darkness where no light was existent.

              Her people danced, ate and drank under the bright sunlight. The Queen sat, gazing at Her people.

English Writing 11-1/ Describe a Room/ Traces: How the Room had been in its Own Way

 Traces: How the Room had been in its Own Way

           Lasting sound of children giggling raced on the walls of the room. It ran on the track of withering sunlight. When the spring wind intermittently came by the windowsill, the sound of new leaves rustling with power knocked on the window pane. The slim sprigs rubbed its green flesh on the pane with the leaves. All was shadows; excerpt for the sound. The longer branches, rounder leaves, and muffled laughter sank in through the window. 

             From the stack of empty Pepsi cans piled on the desk arose smell of old pastry, “syrupy sweet”. The traces of used pencil shavings and bits of eraser pieces were scattered over the desk along with tattered notebooks. The notebooks were scratchpads for the pre-calculus exercise problems. Beside that was a drained cup previously filled with shockingly sweet ice tea. The precipitated, gooey ice tea residue also emitted sickly sharp sweetness through the atmosphere. Reaching out for water, I found nothing but an empty cup. Bothered, I tossed a coin towards the bookshelf. The coin joined the dispersed set of other rubbishes that used to be sorted in the pencil vase. It all used to be in order, all tidied. It all used to be.

             Slowly, a pleasant odor prevailed from outside. Beyond the firmly closed door, mom was there. There was mom blanching spinach and baking slices of potato. Cheerful screams of potato being fried by grape seed oil burst out through the wooden door every now and then. The bubbles popping from the boiling pot made good company with the scream. Busy footsteps plod along the kitchen between the fridge and the stove. Lying down on the bed beside the bookshelf, I gazed at the door that showed many movements behind its thickness.

             On the other side of the room was a showcase where my parents placed mementos from foreign travels. The mementos were from places I have been to, but do not remember. There was a copper nude sculpture of a young woman from Italy. The sculpture was too big compared to other souvenirs. It stood out among the miniatures of countries. The tint, rusty piece of metal made me put my face close to its surface and made me observe the patterns of blue-gray rust. Italy was all sunny and the concrete roads were beautiful. The air was dry and clear, unlike the room’s damp and sickly sweet atmosphere. Maybe the difference in air made the sculpture rot. Or the faint traces of sunlight from the window made the sculpture “all blues” even more.

             The windowsill is coated with a thin layer of dust and stains inside, and wears sunlight on the outside. The absence of brightness inside makes the room more in its own way, while the outside more beautiful. Then the sunlight is within the room, through the supplement of shadows. What is not there relates to what is there. This is how origins live through traces from time or other, and how the room had been in its own way.